Let’s get back to daily life.
Yesterday’s post was something special for me, and while I cannot express my joy at finding this place for myself enough, I could also feel the sneaky Eggo looking to hook me with self-importance.
I started this writing not to impart some lesson or profound insight every day (the insights were such fun for me, personally, I got distracted) but to share how I navigate the practical, everyday, mundane activities of daily life from my spiritual and chosen state of being – regardless of the circumstance – because that is what every single person I connect with is looking for.
So, time to get vulnerable again and pop Eggo’s swelling head (Eggo is the name of my egoic mind, in case you missed the first few days of this).
Yesterday’s high-as-a-kite love-fest technically poured from me on Friday - I just didn’t get the post up… because I was flying high – HA.
Yesterday was actually a day filled with bumps and bruises (regular daily life, right?).
I had an emotional button smashed early in my day, in fact. A friend mentioned something that triggered fear in me, and my immediate response was two-fold:
- ANGER (my go-to when afraid)
- OVERRIDE the feeling and awareness
At that moment, the technology around me started malfunctioning – my AirPod stopped working, and even when I switched to the other one, I couldn’t hear what I was listening to. I was driving so I had no ability to actually troubleshoot this and that pushed the anger violently back to the surface and I screamed my frustration, yes, screamed it with expletives (only because I was alone – I’m mature enough to tantrum like an adult around others *insert eye-rolling emoji*).
In that moment of emotional release, I asked myself the question – "what is wrong with me?!"
JUST KIDDING! I don’t ask that question anymore – ever. I never want my brain to bring me answers to THAT question!
No, I asked (ok, shouted) - "WHAT IS THIS?!?!"
I picked up my tools which were easily accessible now that I’d spent years practicing them – I took a deep belly breath and exhaled loudly with a sigh (my body instantly released the tension and tightness of the anger). I took another.
I felt the rubberized plastic of my steering wheel and LOOKED at where I was (brought me back to the present moment, to NOW). I stayed there, noticing the traffic around me, the rain on my windshield, the cloudy sky, and my breathing. I kept my brain noticing and my body relaxing (while still driving to my destination).
I then asked the question again (this time almost in a whisper and with curiosity rather than angry demand) – “what is this?”
The instant answer was – “you’re afraid”.
HAHA–I LOVE that I have so many voices in my ‘being’ that it’s rarely a first-person conversation – not weird at all!!
And when that answer came back, I was able to own my fear. I WAS afraid. I was afraid that something I cared about was 100% OUTSIDE OF MY CONTROL.
It was that simple. I could not control something outside of myself and it frightened me. It REALLY frightened Eggo because she knows how deeply I care about this and does not want me hurt.
Right here, this moment, is all we ever need.
I said it out loud – “I am afraid and I cannot do anything to control these circumstances”.
My body produced the accompanying emotion that pushed at the back of my eyes, then released a few tears.
I found a parking lot a half mile from my destination and sat for 10 minutes, quietly focusing on what I could control – ME.
I control my focus and attention and they create my experience.
I chose compassion for myself and the situation, along with a clear articulation of how things would go IF I could control it all and I let it go.
Then I thanked the Universe for effing up my AirPods and signals so I couldn’t sweep it under the rug; so I would SEE what I needed to do to come back home to myself.
The next few hours were pretty lovely and peaceful.
The day was full of ups and downs – I live with 4 people and 4 animals, afterall. We had activities planned for the evening with other humans; a corn maze and pumpkin patch (which we ALL were excited about when we made the plans - but on the day of….?!).
I had a completely normal human day bumping around with a bunch of completely normal human beings which is rarely smooth.
I did a lot of breathing and feet-on-the-ground throughout the day.
I gave some people a wide berth as they navigated their own emotions and energies. Others asked for my assistance to do that. Still, others just needed a hug or a compassionate word to know they were seen.
I caretake because I want to, not because I need to – this distinction is EVERYTHING for me.
I spent decades people-pleasing and caretaking because I was living on eggshells – caretaking was how I survived. Always on guard for the angry blow-up of others and making myself as small and accommodating as possible so I didn’t get hurt. So grateful to be free of that.
The caretaking I do now is leadership – I model my alignment and easy stance, primarily, but I also ask and expect people around me to take responsibility for their emotions and energy. The caretaking I do now is to that end – I will help people, endlessly, in those efforts.
For those who do not wish to even try taking responsibility for them, I gently walk away and release them to their own suffering. It is not mine. I did not create it. I am not the cause of it. I do not OWE anyone my peace in order to join them in their misery.
Every bit of my power, peace, compassion, love, and guidance comes from the health of my relationship with myself.
We TRULY cannot give anything we do not have – trying to results in confusion and incongruence for the receiver.
May we all be a little more selfish in service to those we love!
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